Wintery Knight

…integrating Christian faith and knowledge in the public square

Is it wise for women to postpone marriage?

This UK Daily Mail article that ECM posted on Facebook got a lot of comments.

Excerpt:

Eight years after that wonderful engagement party in 1989, I walked away from dear, devoted, loyal Matthew, convinced that somewhere out there, a better, more exciting, more fulfilling life awaited me.
Only there wasn’t.

Now I am 42 and have all the trappings of success – a high-flying career, financial security and a home in the heart of London’s trendy Notting Hill. But I don’t have the one thing I crave more than anything: a loving husband and family.

So what happened? Well, here’s what:

In the summer of 1989, while out for a romantic meal, Matthew proposed properly with a diamond solitaire ring. Two months later, we held our engagement party for 40 friends and family at the little house we were renting at the time.

The following year, we bought a tiny starter home in Grays, Essex, which we moved into with furniture we had begged, borrowed and stolen. We giggled with delight at the thought of this grown-up new life.
I was in my first junior role at a women’s magazine and Matthew worked fitting tyres and exhausts, so our combined salaries of around £15,000 a year meant we struggled to make the mortgage payments. But we didn’t care, telling ourselves that it wouldn’t be long before we were earning more and able to afford weekly treats and a bigger home where we could bring up the babies we had planned.

But then, the housing market crashed and we were plunged into negative equity.

Struggling should have brought us closer together, and at first it did. But as time went on, and my magazine career – and salary – advanced, I started to resent Matthew as he drifted from one dead-end job to another.

I still loved him, but I began to feel embarrassed by his blue-collar jobs, annoyed that, despite his intelligence, he didn’t have a career. Then he bought a lurid blue and pink VW  Beetle.

Why couldn’t he drive a normal car? Things that now seem incredibly insignificant began to niggle.

I began to wish he was more sophisticated and earned more. I felt envious of friends with better-off partners, who were able to support them as they started their families.

I stopped seeing Matthew as my equal. I stopped seeing all the qualities that had made me fall in love with him – his fierce intelligence, our shared sense of humour, his determination not to follow the crowd. Instead, I saw someone who was holding me back.

Our sex life had dwindled and nights out together were rare. I stopped appreciating little things he did, like leaving romantic notes on the pillow or scouring secondhand bookshops for novels he knew I’d love. He was my best friend, yet I took him totally for granted.

After festering for weeks about his shortcomings, I told Matthew I was leaving. We spent hours talking and crying as he tried to convince me to stay, but I was adamant.

My parents were horrified that I was walking away from a man they felt was right for me. My father’s words to me that day continue to haunt me. ‘Karen, think carefully about what you’re doing. There’s a lot to be said for someone who truly loves you.’

But, I refused to listen, convinced there would be another, better Mr Right waiting around the corner.

I moved into a rented flat a few miles away in Hornchurch, Essex, and embraced single life with a vengeance. By now I was an editor on a national magazine. Life was one long round of premieres and dinner or drinks parties.

One of the commenters on Facebook said this:

This is what feminism and narcissism (which are rampant in our society) have done to women. Feminism told her that she should work, have a career, climb the ladder – and that this is the most important thing. Marriage and family are goals unworthy of a woman, according to feminism. Narcissism told her that her own goals and desires were the most important thing in the world. Other people and their needs are only important if they coincide with what she wants. If someone is “bringing her down” or “holding her back” they need to get out of the way because her desires are what is most important. So when her marriage required her to actually sacrifice a bit of her own ambition, she walked away from it. What a stupid and self-centered thing to do.

I found another article by her where she spent £5,000 on cosmetic surgery. It’s just strange where she ended up.

Filed under: Commentary, , , , , , , , , , , ,

8 Responses

  1. Haha, I was surprised to see myself quoted here. Glad you liked my comment.

  2. Take The Red Pill says:

    “…It’s just strange where she ended up.”

    It’s not strange at all — it’s a feature, not a bug, of feminism (and those women who eagerly drank the Kool-Aid.)

    You can try to warn them, but they won’t listen at all — instead, they’ll viciously ridicule you, insult you, hurl filthy expletives at you, and accuse you of ‘wanting to keep all women barefoot and pregnant’, ‘not being able to handle a strong woman’, etc. (I know this for a fact).

    They were warned, but they were convinced they knew better — ANYTHING that Bella Abzug, Andrea Dworkin, and Gloria Steinem said had to be the truth!

    I used to feel sorry for these women for when they would finally be middle-aged and be mateless and childless.
    Mind you, I said “used to”.
    Now, as a MGHOW, I laugh at them.
    Justifiable schadenfreude is so pleasurable.

    Bed. Made. Lie.
    ALONE.

  3. What I find a number of things disturbing.
    - She is portrayed as a victim despite taken the fast track life of living a low moral lifestyle.
    - She opened up to the public “her version” of a private relationship ( I would be very “ticked off” of a ex going public with our relationship).
    - Imo, she displays strong “triad personality” tendencies which makes for a impossible relationship.
    - Her self admitted emotional immaturity (he doesn’t want to see you – “get it” ? It takes you 11 YEARS TO FIGURE THIS OUT !!!!) I have personally experienced this “entitlement” myself in relationships with people that are extremely emotionally / verbally abusive (ie classic “triad” personality types).
    - The evidence of premature aging and cosmetic makeover strongly suggest hard/fast lifestyle and low self esteem.

    I would really like to hear his side.
    Btw, the good news is she didn’t marry & have children

  4. Alien & stranger says:

    The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. (Proverbs 14:1)

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