Wintery Knight

…integrating Christian faith and knowledge in the public square

UK survey finds that men and women expect to have sex after a few dates

Dina sent me this depressing article from the UK Daily Mail.

Excerpt:

Men now expect to sleep with a new partner on their third date – but women typically won’t consider it until the fifth, according to an intriguing new study on dating in the 21st century.

On the first date men are most likely to pay for dinner and drinks, with most couples tending to split the bill from the second date onwards.

But by the third date men expect sex and are willing to splash their cash to hurry the romance along.

[…]Both sexes are now spending small fortunes in a bid to prepare themselves for a date that could end in sex, the study found.

Men typically spend £46.79 on grooming, while women spend £5 less at £41.79.

Women prepare for a first night of passion by waxing their legs (58 per cent), buying new lingerie (32 per cent), and waxing their bikini line (17 per cent).

Men are most likely to buy new underwear (28 per cent), groom their pubic hair (27 per cent), and buy new bed linen (15 per cent).

The money is being spent wisely, as men say their biggest turn-offs are a hairy upper lip, dirty sheets, and hairy legs.

And women are turned off by dirty sheets, untidy nails, and an untidy bedroom.

I’ve posted before about how having a large number of premarital sex partners causes marriages to fail. This finding is true for men who have many partners, and especially true for women. The fun that people have before they are married gets paid for later when they cannot hold the relationship together. Premarital promiscuity teaches you nothing about how to be faithful and self-sacrificial in a marriage. It trains you to think that sex is not something to save for a commitment, but something to be done in order to have “fun”. When people have premarital sex, they are treating sex as a recreational activity. They are not willing to commit to loving and taking care of the person they are having sex with for life, so that the other person will not be harmed if the relationship fails. We shouldn’t be having fun with a person in ways we’re we will be deeply connected to them and then just pull away from them and leave them alone. If that happens to a person enough, it ruins their ability to be trusting and vulnerable. It’s hard to repair the damage once it’s been done.

I think that if we are going to be serious about marriage, then we need to think seriously about rolling back our support for this sort of promiscuity, as well as laws that promote break-ups like no-fault divorce. Instead of encouraging people to think that sex before marriage is normal, we should be encouraging them to look at the data that shows that waiting a long time (or even better, waiting until marriage) before having sex is the right thing to do.

And for Christians, let me just reiterate that premarital sex and adultery are both forbidden. You cannot be a Christian and be having sex outside of marriage. The Bible is very very clear about that. Although people like to think that Christianity is compatible with sex outside of marriage, it’s not. We need to be careful about watering down Christianity in order to avoid the need to bow the knee to God’s authority in sexual areas.

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6 Responses

  1. bridget says:

    But, but, Wintery, clearly, marital sex is totally different from all that premarital crotch-rocking between near-strangers! It’s the exact same activity, but trust me it’s so much more meaningful in marriage and is not the same thing at all!

    I don’t know it became radical to state that spouses should save something special and unique for each other.

    • I am a guy, and I think I would just die if I had sex with a woman and then she just got up and left. I don’t want to be intimate with her unless she and I are going to be together for life. Lifelong married love. To me, sex is what a man and woman who have a united plan and purpose do to calm each other in a very stormy world. How can anyone consider such a thing when they have not agreed on a common purpose and plan for their lives? If you are going to go all the way with a person then you should have a plan for lifelong togetherness.

      • Asolutely right. I can testify that it is totally worth waiting until marriage when you know the other person has committed to you for life. My first time was with my husband on our wedding night and I wouldn’t change that for the world. It wasn’t easy waiting, but it was worth it.

      • bridget says:

        If she gets pregnant, you’re going to be involved in each other’s lives until at least one of the three people involved (mom, dad, kid) is dead. Liberalism is the art of ignoring reality, even when reality is as obvious as that.

  2. Novaseeker says:

    In Europe (and in the UK, too), the life pattern is now basically reversed. It’s date –> sex –> decide if sex is good enough to justify entering a longer relationship –> more sex –> decide to live together –> decide if it’s worthwhile having children together –> have children together –> decide if it’s worthwhile getting married –> get married or split up.

    This is now the common pattern. One of my cousins in Ireland recently married following this pattern, with marriage as the last and final step after everything else — including kids — was in place. And these are highly educated, highly compensated professional folks, too.

    Just the way it is.

    • Alien & stranger says:

      That is so spot on, Novaseeker. The Biblical order has been reversed. A friend pointed this out to me some years ago. People don’t realise what a mess they make of their lives, with a string of broken relationships, when they are ignorant of or reject God’s order. It takes God’s grace breaking through to turn things around.

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