Wintery Knight

…integrating Christian faith and knowledge in the public square

Neil Simpson on gay NBA player Jason Collins and his 8-year fiance Carolyn Moos

Read Neil’s post here first.

And here’s my comment to his post:

Neil, the story of this woman investing eight years with this man has been on my mind all week. I am not saying she is innocent. She is a fool. And she is responsible for choosing him. But my point would be this: why is everyone CELEBRATING this man? All he did is steal 8 years of her life and then abandoned her for the gay lifestyle, with all that that entails. Why is this good? I am not minimizing her responsibility. She is 100% responsible because she chose him over better marriage-minded men. But why celebrate this guy? What is there to celebrate? I would rather celebrate Neil Simpson and his marriage and family and Christian children if we are going to have to celebrate anything.

So, I wanted to make a comment about women who choose cads like Jason Collins.

What is it that causes these women to think that just because a man is athletic that he has what it takes to protect, provide and lead on moral and spiritual issues? Why pick someone who has fame from shooting a basketball or playing a guitar? What does that have to do with making commitments, being faithful, and teaching children? It’s completely irrational. Remember Tiger Woods? He could whack a golf ball really well, but commitment and fidelity were just not his things. Why celebrate him? Why marry him? What does swinging a club in front of a crowd have to do with life-long married love?

Don’t be that gal

If you are a woman and want to avoid making poor choices like Carolyn Moos, you can reverse engineer my dating questions and use them to detect fakes.

Here’s question 8 from the list that I ask women:

8. Marriage

Explain the public purposes of marriage, and then outline three threats to marriage and explain what legislation you would propose to neutralize these threats. What choices should people make before marriage to make sure they will have a stable, loving marriage?

SAMPLE ANSWER: Some public purposes of marriage are i) to force moral constraints on sexual activity, ii) to produce the next generation of humans, iii) to provide children with a stable, loving environment in which to grow up. Three threats to marriage are i) cohabitation, ii) no-fault divorce – which leads to fatherlessness, and iii) same-sex marriage. There are others, too. For legislation, there are things like tax incentives, shared parenting laws, school choice to de-monopolize politicized public schools, etc. Pre-marriage behaviors are things like chastity, experience with children, having lots of savings, being physically fit, etc. Having a degree in experimental science, math or economics is excellent for a woman. Avoid artsy degrees, especially English.

BONUS POINTS: Name more threats to marriage, explain the effects of fatherlessness on children, explain how divorce courts work, explain how socialism impacts the family through taxation and wealth redistribution, explain what happens to women and children after a divorce.

WHY IT MATTERS: It’s important for people who want to get married that they understand that marriage takes time and effort, and it requires both spouses to prepare for marriage, to be diligent at choosing a good spouse, and to understand what spouses and children need in order to stay engaged.

I can assure you that Jason Collins wouldn’t survive 5 seconds with a woman who was using my checklist, and it would save her a lot of time. Guess what? There is more to marriage-mindedness than broad shoulders and basketball skillz. Marriage requires a worldview that grounds self-sacrificial love and objective moral obligations RATIONALLY. The man should be able to present a plan for marriage that shows that some thought has been put into what he is trying to achieve with the marriage and the children, and why he needs you in particular to help.

Good behaviors have to be reasonable to a man, based on his prior efforts to study areas of knowledge that make them reasonable. He has to have a worldview that makes the duties of a husband and father – providing, parenting, teaching, fidelity, commitment, etc. – REASONABLE TO HIM. His goodness cannot be just talk. His goodness cannot be rooted in just preferences. It has to be rooted in knowledge derived from reasoning and a careful study of evidence. It takes study to ground the worldview that makes a good marriage. When will women learn?

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6 Responses

  1. marshalart says:

    I’m all for truly getting to know one’s fiance before tying the knot. I encourage long engagements, preferably without sex, or at least holding off for a long time (because I don’t believe doing so is lethal). I don’t know that I’d encourage the level of grilling you so often propose.

    As for Collins, I don’t know that I’d call him a cad based on what limited info has come out regarding his life previous to his unfortunate announcement. Everyone says he was a good guy and I don’t think his fiance had any negatives except that his breaking off the engagement left her shocked. I haven’t read his interview or hers, but it could be that he was trying to conform to normal living and finally couldn’t pull the trigger. That makes him at least a better man that V. Gene Robinson, who bailed on his woman after they had been married and had kids.

    It’s quite enough for me that we have one more person running that “living a lie” crap and that his understanding of Christianity doesn’t include homosexual behavior being sinful.

    If a guy is suppressing his urges for eight years, how could a woman find out he’s doing so? One cannot always tell what another person is feeling, thinking or believing if that person never lets on.

  2. “Avoid artsy degrees, especially English.”
    Reminds me of reading the Chinese Zodiac place mats at the Chinese restaurant. I’m a Pig (Boar, which is why I’m boring, I guess), so I must avoid the Rooster and the Rabbit and marry a Snake or a Dragon (something like that).

    Well, in truth, I understand where you are going. Fanciful degrees only breed longing for fanciful lives, which in no way relates to the reality of raising children. I have watched two marriages quite close to me be destroyed by women with fanciful degrees. I’m not here to say that men don’t ruin relationships as well. But, in truth, a grounded women is better able to find a grounded man.

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