Wintery Knight

…integrating Christian faith and knowledge in the public square

Grindr for heterosexuals: new Pure mobile app facilitates hooking up

Dina sent me this disturbing article from the UK Daily Mail.

Excerpt:

Young people looking for no-strings-attached sex who don’t want to go through the rigmarole of chit-chat online are looking forward to the launch of a new app next week.

Pure, which has been described as ‘bringing Seamless to the bedroom’, offers sex on-demand by simply asking users their gender and the gender of their preference, whether they can host and then shows them potential partners who answer ‘Okay’ or ‘No Way’.

Pending approval by Apple’s App Store, Pure’s intentionally soul-less and potentially dangerous approach to hook-ups has no profiles, no chat sessions before-hand and deletes unfulfilled requests after an hour.

Markedly different from more traditional internet dating sites such as Match.Com and OkCupid, Pure is also a departure from newer apps for anonymous sex hook-ups such as Tinder and Bang With Friends.

All these apps and sites require some kind of profile and online conversation to get to know the potential date better.

However, Pure, created by Roman Sidorenko and Alexander Kukhtenko removes all of that and simply provides two people who want to have sex based on their image online the ability to arrange a meet-up.

I see this story as the final conclusion of a trend I say when I was in my 20s where men and women were unable to evaluate the opposite sex for the responsibilities of marriage. Although young people said they wanted to get married, the way they did it was by choosing the best looking person available. There was no concept of courting, which is putting a person through their paces to see if they can actually do the job that marriage requires of them. I have literally been told by women that they can tell if a man is a good provider based on his appearance. If he is good looking then there is no need to investigate his academic credentials, his resume, his savings and so on. The tingles and peer approval, according to the criteria seen in the culture, are everything she needs to know his balance sheet. This app is the next phase of that, with pleasurable sex taking the place of slow, steady evaluation.

Now it is so bad that people actually want to have sex with people based on a photo. Honestly, this is so far from where I am and what my plans are that I think that it is pointless to even consider marriage at this point. The rules of this society are going to be made by people like the Bro-Choice man and the Duke University athlete hook-up woman. As women keep choosing men based on appearance, government is going to grow and grow to subsidize their behavior with free condoms, free breast enlargements, free abortions, free single mother welfare, and (for the feminists), free IVF. Why would I get involved with an enterprise like marriage where half the women are Sandra Fluke and the other half disagrees with Sandra Fluke, but is too cowardly to say anything about it for fear of “judging” and being seen as “divisive”. If no one is standing up for courtship and marriage, then why should I feel obligated to risk what I have? It seems like people are just not serious about real marriage. Bills, duties, obligations, intimacy, faithfulness.

There is never going to be evidence that shows that anonymous recreational sex is good for marriage or parenting. People can do it if they want to, but it doesn’t help anyone like me who really wants marriage and parenting done right. The truth is that premarital sex is bad for marriage and parenting. It reduces marital stability and quality. It puts children at risk for many dangerous thing, for example child neglect, child abuse and poverty.  If I lowered my standards and married someone in her 30s after she had lived a life of binge-drinking and hooking-up, it would put the quality of my marriage and children in jeopardy. I would not be able to trust such a woman like that with the responsibilities of wife and mother. I would be paying for a marriage and children, but not getting the kind of marriage and parenting that counts for God.

I don’t mind if a woman wants to go on the “photo-only hook-ups” path through her 20s and early 30s, but I’m not obligated to make those choices (WRONG choices) work out for her. Chivalry means picking a good woman who is struggling while doing good things, and helping her to do good things. Chivalry does not mean picking an immoral woman and trying to make her happy. That’s not chivalry, it’s stupidity. Marriage is not something you do with someone who chooses recreational premarital sex partners based on photographs. Period. Marriage is not compatible with that level of stupidity.

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19 Responses

  1. Ken in NH says:

    It will take a spectacular amount of bad judgement to use this service as intended even from a secular, amoral point of view.

    The women will be putting themselves in very vulnerable positions based merely a photo that may or may not truly depict the other person. This sounds like a tool that will attract sexual predators because the anonymity (particularly if they lie) and the clear lack of situational awareness for anyone using this site. A rapist or murderer need only post a picture of some male model and give a false address. He does need not have any connection to the address; just wait outside until the victim comes near and I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.

    Men, on the other hand, will be putting themselves into vulnerable positions to be accused of rape, being the father of a child, or also finding themselves in physical jeopardy. I can already imagine some needy woman posting model pictures and then when they show up at the man’s door and he rebuffs her advances accusing him of any number of bad acts.

    God’s laws always make sense when you measure them against human depravity.

  2. Josh says:

    “I don’t mind if a woman wants to go on the “photo-only hook-ups” path through her 20s and early 30s, but I’m not obligated to make those choices (WRONG choices) work out for her. Chivalry means picking a good woman who is struggling while doing good things, and helping her to do good things. Chivalry does not mean picking an immoral woman and trying to make her happy.”

    I got NAILED on a Christian author’s website because I said:

    1. Women are less attractive when they sleep around
    2. I would never recommend someone marry someone like that
    3. People get less attractive as they age and should marry younger instead of postponing it.

    The responses were:

    1. How dare you! God forgave them, you might not be a Christian because you don’t believe in the Gospel!
    2. How dare you! God restores virginity!
    3. How dare you! You must be a misogynist. You must be a terrible husband!

    Christian leaders need to stop giving into this short term feel-good “Christianity-lite”, and start teaching hard things like chastity and temperance, the scientific evidence that points to young, sexually pure marriages being the strongest, etc. I’m beyond tired of Christian “leaders” demanding that men (and sometimes women) ignore the sexual pasts of others when making important decisions like choosing a mate. They mistake the fact that God forgives our sin with the lie that God removes all the consequences. They mistake the truth of Salvation with the lie that God goes back in time and undoes the things that made Salvation necessary.

    I’m glad there are people standing for moral truths instead of feel-good lies. Great post.

    • “How dare you! God restores virginity!” HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

    • WorldGoneCrazy says:

      Thanks for standing firm, Josh! And, Wintery, thanks for the sentence on “Flukism.”

    • Yes, if there is anything that puts me off of marriage it’s this contradiction in Christian women. On the one hand, they insist that they would be great wives and mothers and complain that men aren’t giving them a chance. On the other hand, they bash chastity, justify abortion and divorce and are quick to exonerate women who behave badly, blaming every bad outcome on men instead of on the woman who chose the man.

      I knew a pastor’s daughter who SHACKED UP with a non-Christian man and then broke up with him. She complained to me that people were judging her. Another woman who claimed to be a Christian wanted to have a child out of wedlock, telling me that she’d be a great mother. She didn’t even have A JOB – or a college degree – and she had spent her 20s traveling around North America doing activism. I asked her if she knew about what fatherlessness did to children, and she said that with enough money, she could make things work out fine. She is now a full-blown atheist because God didn’t make her craziness “work out”. It’s crazy. Choosing men for their appearance, throwing all chastity, wisdom and prudence out the window, and then then a decade later they can’t even see that they chose the wrong man for the shallowest of reasons. They didn’t do anything wrong by short-circuiting the courting process and breaking all the rules – it’s all the fault of the non-Christian man. He didn’t act like a Christian man!

      And for men the reverse is true – tons of men getting divorced because they married women who looked good, but who couldn’t do anything that men need. Men getting denied sex, even. Just because a woman is attractive, it doesn’t mean that she understands what men need and sees those needs as being an obligation for her to provide for. You can’t expect a woman to act like a Christian when things get difficult if she doesn’t even know whether God exists and whether Jesus rose from the dead on the basis of hard evidence. Lots of people claim to be Christians as a preference claim. What they mean is “I like comfort and love and church makes me feel good”. They don’t mean these things are true and that the truth imposes obligations on them. That’s why men have to give women things to do that are God-serving during courtship, to see if her “I’m a Christian” means “I do hard things if they help God, and who cares about my feelings”. The former is preparation for divorce, the latter is preparation for marriage. Men should be checking for things like this, but they aren’t. A lot of men are scared of intelligent women, as if intelligence makes them bad wives and mothers. How ridiculous!

      The point being that a precondition for marrying a person is that he/she knows enough about what marriage is, and what men and children need in a marriage. Refusal to condemn premarital sex, abortion, divorce, single motherhood by choice, homosexuality, gay marriage, etc. is an immediate disqualification. Most Christians may say that they don’t do those things themselves, but it’s not enough. I expect Christians to be informed about what marriage is, to prepare to defend it with studies and evidence, and to defend it. For example, one woman I know who is very ready for marriage gives speeches to hundreds of women arguing against same-sex marriage. That’s what is expected and required for a woman who is considering marriage. She has to be passionate about self-control, responsibility and the importance of providing a mother and a father to children.

      • Josh says:

        “On the one hand, they insist that they would be great wives and mothers and complain that men aren’t giving them a chance. On the other hand, they bash chastity, justify abortion and divorce and are quick to exonerate women who behave badly, blaming every bad outcome on men instead of on the woman who chose the man. ”

        I’m thankful that my wife didn’t come out of that, but I am aware of a lot of women that are like this, and I fear for their (potential) future husbands.

        We have such high standards for a lot of stupid things like the phones we carry around. Why can’t we have high standards for things that matter, like a life-long marriage or children?

    • “God restores virginity” HA! God forgives yes, but somebody who has had pre-martial sex still has to face the consequences. We’re facing the consequences of Adam & Eve’s (our) sin right now…

  3. Cory C says:

    Don’t lose heart, Wintery. There are fine women out there; I know you’re trusting God to provide the right opportunity to meet.

    My pastor used to tell us: “you keep busy for the Lord; you’ll meet fine Christians that way, some of them future wives and husbands.”

    Bless you

  4. Novaseeker says:

    I doubt this will have much uptake. It’s too risky for women and also very unnecessary for them. It’s very easy for a woman to find a hookup partner in ways that are much less risky than this.

    This kind of thing works for gay men (Grindr) because of their huge culture of promiscuity and relative lack of discretion when it comes to partners, and the fact that they are men — who are, as men overwhelmingly attracted visually. Women are, most of them anyway, overwhelmingly attracted to other things in addition to the physical, and can easily access men in other environments and assess these other things as well much more easily than they can from this kind of app. I doubt it will get much resonance among females, really.

  5. Good definition of chivalry you got there, WK. First I’ve liked so far.

    • I can understand giving flowers to a woman who shows a William Lane Craig debate in her home, or teaches an apologetics study group in her church or speaks out against socialism, gay marriage or abortion.

      But a man can’t throw gifts at a woman who is making mistakes just because she is good looking. That’s not proper chivalry. To get chivalry, a woman’s character has to be pure and she has to be doing a good thing for God that is hard. The goal is recognition of her being good.

  6. Jen says:

    My goodness. This is an unbelievably awful idea.

    Also, I agree 100% with everything Josh says above. A man would be a fool not to consider a potential mate’s sexual history (and vice-versa, but apparently women are incapable of sin or…something, so that is not allowed). Though I can assure you: The most unchaste-before-marriage woman will expect perfect loyalty from her husband, sexually and otherwise…though there’s a fair chance she’ll be a denier and still expect him to be faithful, even though she is, with both hands, shoving him into a position of terrible and dangerous vulnerability.

    If people would just follow God’s law, or do their very best trying (since none of us can do so perfectly or…we would not need Him!), things really would be so much better. And sex outside of marriage is very clearly against His law—there’s no ambiguity about THAT. It’s so frustrating! Time and again, often close to home, we see the heartbreak and havoc extramarital sex has on men, women, and children, but do not dare even suggest that such activity is wrong.

    It seems even Christians will never learn.

    Okay, rant over. Off to make some sort of dessert for Hubby to cool down! ;)

    • This is what I have found as well:

      “Though I can assure you: The most unchaste-before-marriage woman will expect perfect loyalty from her husband, sexually and otherwise…though there’s a fair chance she’ll be a denier and still expect him to be faithful, even though she is, with both hands, shoving him into a position of terrible and dangerous vulnerability.”

      At one job I had, there was a man who had caught his wife in bed with another man. He was a Christian. And she chastised him for judging her and not forgiving her, saying “And you call yourself a Christian!”. This is something for men to watch out for.

      Thanks for being nice to your Hubby!

      • Jen says:

        Good gravy. That’s almost unbelievable! She was mad at HIM?

        God has blessed me with understanding and…I don’t know. A tender heart? Which, since I’m almost half O’Hara, is saying something for His power. ;) But again—doing our best to obey Him and live as He wishes really helps things run smoothly!

        • Yes! She was not even a Christian and yet here she was invoking Christianity (which he apparently believed) as a way of escaping blame. It’s just crazy and scary.

          • Jen says:

            Oh, seeing non-Christians and those who outright hate Christians & the Bible using God’s word against believers always, I must confess, makes me roll my eyes. They proclaim to hate and disbelieve it, yet turn to it as a weapon against us. Oi.

  7. Vicky Sanders says:

    I stopped using tinder a few weeks ago… too many douches for my liking lol. Don’t think I’ll be trying this one a little too sketchy I think. My coworker showed me cliqie.com and I’m a big fan of that over the others in terms of actually meeting people vs. just entertainment. It has a different approach that feels less sketchy cause you and your friends essentially act as “wingmen”. I like that it helps you find things to do too. Skout’s okay too, but still has it’s fair share of creepers

  8. tannngl says:

    Totally unbelievable.

  9. Jack Daniels says:

    I am often reminded of the wonderful wife and mother to our six children I have (yes, they are ALL mine, with the same woman…AND not out of wedlock)

    Proverbs asks the question; A wife of noble character who can find?

    After 19 years of marriage to a woman that is 12 years younger than myself (y’see, I planned for the future…!)and who was raised by a feminist mother, I can categorically state I have such a wife.

    I submit a partial list of qualities from Proverbs (quoted it in the first person)

    She is worth far more than rubies.
    I have full confidence in her
    and I lack nothing of value.
    She brings me good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
    She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
    She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
    Many women do noble things,
    but she surpasses them all.

    My wife put up with me being gone for two and a half years working across the other end of the country while she had to deal with 5 small children and pregnant with a sixth. She did this with no family around and a stranger in the town where we lived, and again for a year while I go to Tokyo to prepare a place for my family. She never questions my judgment, never belittles me in public and has never spoke ill of me to others. She follows me wherever life takes me. Raised and homeschooled all of our children, instructed them in the way of the Lord and sacrificed everything for her family. She never once in 19 years complained about her lot in life and does not think excessively of herself.
    She is genuinely humble.
    She does not gossip, which is absolutely remarkable in and itself, and has gently reminded me not to, when I was guilty of it. She speaks no ill of anyone and lives by the adage ‘if you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything’.
    She is modest in front of others and in public, not wishing to bring attention to herself, while being my vixen…yeeehaa! She takes care of herself so she is pleasing to me. She understands the different roles that women and men have and fully expects me to fulfill mine as a father, husband and a man of God.

    I have been blessed more with her than all things I have possessed in my life. She is my crown, my glory, my pride and my joy.

    Aside from the gift of salvation, my wife, the mother of my children, is the single greatest gift God has given me.

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