Wintery Knight

…integrating Christian faith and knowledge in the public square

SATIRE: Unemployed Gender Studies Major Sues ‘The Patriarchy’

From the Daily Currant.

Excerpt:

An unemployed gender studies major from Eugene, Ore. sued “The Patriarchy” today in federal court for refusing to give her a job.

In a 25-page brief, attorneys for Sarah Miller-Jones, 24, argue that gender discrimination from the patriarchy has prevented their client from finding gainful employment since she graduated from university three years ago.

The suit seeks $2 million in compensation and $139 million in punitive damages, which together equal $1 from every adult man in America.

“Despite the fact that Ms. Miller-Jones graduated with a 2.8 GPA from the prestigious University of Oregon, she has been unable to find a job fitting her qualifications,” the document reads.

“Ms. Miller-Jones has been on unemployment benefits for 18 months. And despite extensive coursework in Zambian feminist hip-hop she has only received six job offers — all of which were for entry-level call center and health care positions.

“It is outrageous that the patriarchy refuses to offer our client a decent career. She has applied for over 20 positions in the recording, publishing and television industries and has been rejected every single time.

“We all know that terms like ‘no experience’ and ‘lack of relevant education’ are codewords the patriarchy uses to keep keep women in their place. But Ms. Miller-Jones refuses to be a housewife or a nurse. She deserves a real job.”

Millions of young Americans who recently graduated from university are finding themselves working in jobs below their educational level.

Media reports have tended to blame the slow recovery from the Great Recession for the trend. However, an equally important factor is the fact that the American university system turns out too few graduates with employable skills.

There are an estimated 3 million open jobs in the United States that go unfilled due to a lack of qualified candidates. Many of these  jobs are in science and engineering, while the most popular majors for U.S. college graduates are in psychology and the liberal arts.

According to a former employer, Miller-Jones’ gender studies degree actually hurt her employability. Gilbert Grass manages a call center for a local credit union in Eugene and says he regrets hiring her straight out of college.

“She refused to use the words ‘he’ or ‘she’ when talking to customers,” he says. “That lead to a lot of confusion. And she once gave a customer who called to check her bank balance a 20-minute lecture on how the film Toy Story perpetuated gender-specific archetypes of heroism.

I’m sorry, but this just makes me laugh so hard. I just want to remind everyone that this is satire. Not real! Not real!

Filed under: Humor, , ,

SATIRE: Paul Krugman spends himself into bankruptcy

PaulKrugman

From Daily Currant. (Not a conservative site!)

Excerpt:

Economist and columnist Paul Krugman declared personal bankruptcy today following a failed attempt to spend his way out of debt.

In a Chapter 13 filing to the United States Bankruptcy Court in the Southern District of New York, lawyers for Krugman listed $7,346,000 in debts versus $33,000 in assets.

The majority of his debts are related to mortgage financing on a $8.7 million apartment in lower Manhattan, but the list also includes $621,537 in credit card debt and $33,642 in store financing at famed jeweler Tiffanys and Co.

The filing says that Krugman got into credit card trouble in 2004 after racking up $84,000 in a single month on his American Express black card in pursuit of rare Portuguese wines and 19th century English cloth

Rather than tighten his belt and pay the sums back, the pseudo-Keynesian economist decided to “stimulate” his way to a personal recovery by investing in expenses he hoped would one day boost his income.

[...]Between 2004 and 2007 Krugman splurged on expensive cars, clothes, and travel in hopes that the new lifestyle would convince his bosses at the New York Times to give him a giant raise.

“They say always dress for the job you want,” Krugman explains. “So I thought maybe if I showed up in $70,000 Alexander Amosu suits they would give me ownership of part of the company. If I had only been granted a sliver of the New York Times Co., I could have paid everything back.”

Even after he realized an equity stake was not going to happen, Krugman continued to spend wildly hoping his bling and media appearances would increase demand for his personal brand and lift his book sales.

His biggest mistake came in 2007, when at the height of the financial bubble he decided to invest in high-end real estate in New York City. His multi-million dollar apartment lost 40 percent of its value just months after its purchase, and has been underwater ever since.

“You’d think a Nobel Prize winning economist could recognize a housing bubble,” says Herman Minsky, a retired television executive who purchased Krugman’s home at a huge discount. “But hey, I’m not complaining.”

That’s your Friday funny.

Filed under: Humor, , , , , , ,

Video: children complain about Obama-style redistribution of their Hallowe’en candy

Canadian conservative Steven Crowder took this hidden camera video:

Story from Red Alert Politics: (H/T Bad Blue)

Fox News contributor Steven Crowder decided he would see how well children would take President Barack Obama’s redistribution of wealth idea when it was applied to their Halloween candy.

He went to a trick-or-treat tailgate and had children line up after they had collected their candy and Crowder redistributed it so that every child would have an equal amount.

Sure enough, they weren’t too thrilled.

“Dude that’s not cool,” said one upset child dressed as a baseball player. “It’s not fun to take people’s candy. This is my candy, I worked hard for it.”

Another little girl in a princess costume’s jaw dropped as Crowder dropped a handful of her candy in another child’s bag. She looked up to her parents in disbelief and near-tears as if to demand that they protest this injustice.

The video is an attempt to show the real effects of a popular Obama campaign point which is to, “make the rich pay their fair share,” or, in other words, redistribute the wealth of the rich to the poor, regardless of who earned the money in the first place.

“You just stole my candy,” yelled one kid dressed all in white who looked like he was ready for a fist-fight.

“Is that your costume? You didn’t make that shirt, you didn’t build that,” replied Crowder, referring to Obama’s famous quote where he told business owners that they owed something to the government because they didn’t build their own businesses.

“I’m gonna call the police!,” yelled another child who swarmed Crowder with a group of his friends who appeared to be getting aggressive. Some even tried to swat Crowder in the face.

To say the least, Crowder was far from popular that night, but his prank served its purpose. Redistribution, in the words of one angry trick-or-treater, “is just not fair.”

Hilarious! But the public schools will brainwash them to become little socialist zombies in due time. What else can we expect from unionized public school teachers but big government indoctrination?

Filed under: Humor, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Funny: Mitt Romney jokes at charity fund-raising speech

Everyone on Facebook insisted that I post this video, so here it is:

It’s laugh out loud funny, especially if you watched the debate earlier this week.

Filed under: Humor, , , , ,

Saturday fun: 20 reasons why you should vote for Barack Obama in 2012

Mary sent me this article by John Hawkins, posted at Townhall. (Don’t worry, I linked to the printable version!)

Here’s a few:

2) Obviously Republicans hate women like Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann! Wait, bad examples…uhm, let’s see, they kill female babies, put women’s faces on pinatas and beat them, and degrade women by drawing them with penises in their mouth! That’s still us? Geeze, uh…war on women! Move on to the next item! Hurry, hurry!

5) Did you know Mitt Romney is a Republican? You’re going to vote for a Republican? Seriously? Everybody in my lesbian studies class at Berkeley always says “no” when I ask that question.

9) Mitt Romney is mean! Republicans are mean! You’re mean — unless you vote for Barack Obama, which makes you nice!

12) Did you see how good that guy was at reading speeches off a teleprompter back in 2008? That was really something, wasn’t it? Now it’s all kind of dull, but he might get better at it again.

15) Obama has driven up gas prices, which encourages people to buy more electric cars….ehr, wait, this is for an environmentalist group, right?

I am still very bitter that my Michele Bachmann is not the nominee! I must be one of those people making war on women, then. I think that everyone who thinks that two gay men can effectively parent a six-month old baby should definitely vote for Barack Obama. And so should anyone who thinks that it’s OK to abort an unborn child because she is a girl and not a boy. If those are your views, then Obama is your candidate.

Filed under: Humor, ,

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