Hilarious Saturday Night Live sketch attacks Obama’s government spending

Here’s the video: (H/T Neil Simpson)

If the video is removed, try watching it here.

And here’s the transcript:

ANNOUNCER: We will now take you live to Beijing for the joint press conference already underway between U.S. President Obama and Chinese President Hu Jintao.

OBAMA: As I already said privately, I would like to thank President Jintao for his kind welcome and generous hospitality, and I hope that during this visit we can have a productive dialogue about the serious issues of concern that remain between our two countries — issues ranging from the unfair valuation of your currency to the trade imbalance, and most importantly, human rights. I believe there can be a great partnership between us but it will require compromise and understanding.

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: Thank you, Mr. President. I would like to add that I completely understand why you feel entitled to come here and lecture China on our shortcomings. After all, my country does owe the United States a great deal of money. Oh, wait. Hold on a moment. I believe I had that backwards. In fact, now that I think about it, it is your country that owes us a large sum of money. Is this correct?

OBAMA: Uh… yes.

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: Now, it’s coming back to me. I believe it’s $800 billion.

OBAMA: That is correct.

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: Such a large sum.

OBAMA: Yes, it is.

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: And yet you haven’t even mentioned it. That’s so odd.

OBAMA: Uh, look, you’re going to get your money.

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: Are we? Are we going to get our money? Because from what I read your country is in the middle of a serious recession.

OBAMA: Uh, while this is true, there are signs that our bailout has steadied the financial markets and our stimulus package has been effective in fixing the job crisis.

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: I’m curious. How many jobs has it created?

OBAMA: Uh, so far, none.

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: I see.

OBAMA: But our health care reform plan, we’re confident, is going to lead to enormous savings.

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: How exactly is extending health care coverage to 30 million people going to save you money?

OBAMA: I… don’t know.

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: And this “Cash for Clunkers” program– I have read that you purchased many clunkers with our money.

OBAMA: Yes, we have.

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: What does this word “clunkers” mean?

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

OBAMA: Well, a clunker is a car…

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: I know what a clunker is. And just so there is no misunderstanding, you are not allowed to pay us back in clunkers.

OBAMA:Of course not.

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: You know, as I listen to you, I am noticing that each of your plans to save money involves spending even more money. This does not inspire confidence.

OBAMA: I assure you, you’re going to get your money.

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: Will you kiss me?

OBAMA: Sorry?

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: Will you kiss me?

OBAMA: I don’t understand.

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: I like to be kissed, (shouts) when someone is doing sex to me!

OBAMA: There’s no need for that.

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: No? You know how many uninsured we have in China? One and a quarter billion, billion. But I’ll tell you this: We don’t owe anyone $800 billion.

OBAMA: Well, obviously, we take our debt to you very seriously.

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: I suppose if I really wanted to get my money I could call and say I was a Wall Street banker who needs his bonus. But really, why should I have to stoop to that level?

OBAMA: You don’t have to stoop to any level.

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: Please understand if it were my $800 billion I wouldn’t care, but it belongs to my country. I feel like I should bring it up.

OBAMA: You’re going to get your money.

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: Say, while you’re here, are you at least going to treat me to dinner and a movie?

OBAMA: I’m sorry?

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: I think it’s the polite thing to do, (shouts) before doing sex to me!

OBAMA: Mr. President, please.

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: Very well.

OBAMA: I assure you that as soon we solve this economic crisis…

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: Which one? The one that your country’s reckless real estate speculation caused? That one? I just want to make sure I know which one we’re talking about.

OBAMA: We are taking steps to make sure that what happened will never happen again.

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: What steps?

OBAMA: Uh, reform of banking regulations.

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: Do I look like Mrs. Obama?

OBAMA: What?

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: Do I look like Mrs. Obama?

OBAMA: Of course not.

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: Then why are you trying to (shouts) do sex to me like I was Mrs. Obama?

OBAMA: Now, now.

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: Just do it. Get it over with.

OBAMA: Mr. President!

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: Don’t be a tease.

OBAMA: I just…

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: I can take it.

OBAMA: This is not the time or place.

(Hu Jintao “speaks.”)

INTERPRETER: Very well. In that case, I call this press conference to a close, and Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!

Filed under: Humor , Barack Obama, Big Government, Billion, Bonus, Cash for Clunkers, China, Comedy, Democrat, Employment, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, Government Spending, Government waste, Health Care Reform, Health-care, Hu Jintao, Human Rights, Job Creation, Jobs, Joke, Obama, Private Sector, Public Sector, Saturday Night Live, Sketch, SNL, Spendulus, Stimulus, Unemployment, Wall Street Banker, Worst President Ever

Friday night funny: Obama NASCAR car, climate justice, Hallowe’en shows

Here’s Obama’s NASCAR pace car for promoting health care reform. (H/T ECM)

Here’s a post on some Canadians who are struggling for climate justice from The Way the Ball Bounces.

And here are some of the scariest old time radio shows EVER! These are MP3 files. Be careful, they are SCARY!

• The House in Cypress Canyon (Suspense)
• The Thing on the Fourble Board (Quiet, Please)
• Three Skeleton Key (Escape)
• Donovan’s Brain – part1, part 2 (Suspense)
• Sorry, Wrong Number (Suspense)
• The Hitch Hiker (Suspense)
• The Country of the Blind (Escape)
• Ghost Hunt (Suspense)

The House in Cypress Canyon is the scariest, in my opinion. I am a big fan of old time radio from 1939-1959.

Happy Friday!

Filed under: Humor , Climate Change, Obama, Horror, Old Time Radio, Hallowe-en, Hallowe'en, NASCAR, Climate Justice, Scary Radio Show, Scary, Frightening, OTR, Episode

Friday night funny: peace prize song, crooks in Congress, cockatiel tricks

Steven Crowder’s Nobel Peace Prize song:

The cameo appearance by Zo made me laugh out loud.

How to fix Congress

Bill Whittle has a funny plan to fix the crooks in Congress.

Atheist and the bear

ECM sent me this joke about atheists:

A man was walking one night through the woods.

‘What majestic trees!
‘What  powerful rivers!
‘What beautiful  animals!
He said to himself.

As he  was walking alongside the river, he heard a  rustling in the bushes behind him.

He  turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear  charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he  could up the path. He looked over his shoulder  and saw that the bear was closing in on  him.

He looked over his shoulder  again, and the bear was even  closer.

He tripped and fell to the  ground.

He rolled over to pick  himself up but saw that the bear was right on  top of him, reaching for him with his left paw  & raising his right paw to strike  him.

At that instant the  Atheist cried out,
‘Oh my God!’

Time  Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon  the man, a voice came out of the  sky.

‘You deny my existence for all these  years, teach others I don’t exist and even  credit creation to cosmic accident.
Do you  expect me to help you out of this  predicament?

Am I to count you as a  believer?’

The atheist looked directly  into the light, ‘It would be hypocritical of me  to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a  Christian?’

‘Very well,’ said the  voice.

The light went out. The sounds  of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his  right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his  head & spoke:

‘Lord bless this food, which I am about  to receive from thy bounty, through Christ our  Lord, Amen.’

I don’t like bears, (because they’ll eat me), but this was really funny.

Ronald Reagan

Ronald Reagan answers a question from the left-wing media: (H/T IHateTheMedia.com)

Cockatiel tricks

Can you train a cockatiel to do tricks?

Happy Friday!

Filed under: Humor , Alfonzo Rachel, Bill Whittle, Birds, Clicker, Cockatiel, Congress, Corruption, Flex, Nobel Peace Prize, Obama, Pets, Steven Crowder, Tricks

Friday night funny: clothes, nobel prize, school choice

Clothes make the man?

From IMAO.us:

At a recent speech, Obama handed out white lab coats to his audience to make them look smarter. That’s a good idea. Only smart people wear white lab coats as dumb people would just stain them with neon orange powdered cheese. Maybe Obama shouldn’t have stopped there, though. Maybe he should also have had them all wear mortar boards and have diplomas to hold in their hands so we would look at them and say, “Wow! These are smart people! If they agree with the president, then I should agree too so I will be smart!”

Actually, the president himself could use some smartening; maybe he should wear a mortar board and a lab coat at all times. Then if someone disagree with him, he could say, “Don’t you disagree with me! I’m very smart! Look at my hat! LOOK AT MY HAT! Now don’t bother me; I’m off to do Science!” He’d be impressive then; I bet everyone would stop making fun of him.

The Nobel Booby Prize

From Scrappleface.com:

An unnamed member of the Nobel committee this morning explained the shocking decision to give the Nobel Peace Prize to U.S. President Barack Obama, who had served only 11 days as president when nominated, by noting that the gold medal would go a long way toward boosting Mr. Obama’s self-esteem.

“We used to give the award to persons who had actual accomplishments,” the anonymous source said. “But that’s so reactionary, and almost nostalgic. By giving the peace prize to Obama, we’re recognizing his potential, and applauding his intentions in a way that we hope will result in future actions.”

The committee members reportedly wanted to encourage Mr. Obama with something tangible because “his speeches make world peace seem almost possible.”

“It’s like putting a gold star on a student’s paper, or giving him the ‘most improved’ trophy when he makes a good effort,” the source said. “We don’t want the president to get discouraged, or to give up just because the overwhelming evidence of history and of human nature flies in the face of everything he has proposed.”

(Note: a booby prize is a joke prize that you win for getting last place in the rankings)

Latest Steven Crowder: (H/T Imao.us)

Happy Friday!

Filed under: Humor , Clothers, Nobel Prize, Public School, School Choice, Voucher

Friday night funny: celebrities, racist bird, jail break, aggressive birds

The video of the week from Hot Air. (H/T ECM)

I’ll tell you right now, I almost never watch movies and I have no television. I hate celebrities. I hate Hollywood. The last movies I saw in the theaters were Expelled (twice), Amazing Grace, Fireproof, and Bella.

This bird is a waaaaaaacist!

This is one is also really funny.

From Ace of Spades. (H/T ECM)

I like birds.

Priorities of Obama supporters

Story from the New York Times. (H/T Stop the ACLU via ECM)

Excerpt:

In the middle of two wars and an economic meltdown, the highest-ranking idea was to legalize marijuana, an idea nearly twice as popular as repealing the Bush tax cuts on the wealthy. Legalizing online poker topped the technology ideas, twice as popular as nationwide wi-fi. Revoking the Church of Scientology’s tax-exempt status garnered three times more votes than raising funding for childhood cancer.

Is socialism a mental disorder?

Cockatiels escape cage

These guys are smarter than my bird!

Bird vs. Cat

What a crazy beast! This is the strangest thing ever.

Bird vs. Dog

My bird does chase me, but only to bite my toes and for head scratches.

Cockatiel wants head scratch

My Dad is obsessed with making our bird do this trick.

I miss him

ECM sends this fun poster from I Hate the Media.

I remember what it was like to have over 2 trillion in tax cuts and a 4.8% unemployment rate. He was a fair President. I give him a B-.

Filed under: Humor , Animal Attack, Big Bird, Celebrities, Cockatiel, Cockatoo, Dubya, Gambling, George W. Bush, Health Insurance, Health-care, Hollywood, Infomericials, Marijuana, Michelle Obama, Online Poker, Poker, Pot, Racism, Sesame Street