All of these women were cheated on, to some extent, by their spouses:
- Hillary Clinton is the wife of Bill Clinton.
- Huma Abedin is the wife of the Anthony Weiner.
- Elin Nordegren is the wife of Tiger Woods.
- Elizabeth Edwards is the wife of John Edwards.
- Maria Shriver is the wife of Arnold Schwarzenegger.
So what do they all have in common?
Andrew Klavan explains a common mistake that each of these women made when choosing their spouse.
I wanted to take a serious look at this situation and get at the reasons men such as Weiner behave in this grotesque way.
I blame women. No, really. Women — by which I mean each and every single member of the female gender — you know who you are — need look no further than themselves to explain why Weiner-types behave toward them in this fashion. We men are always hearing complaints from women about how badly we treat them, what pigs we are, how pushy and abrasive… on and on. But what these same women conveniently fail to mention is that this stuff really works on them!
Charles C. Johnson writing about Weiner’s johnson at Big Government reports that the media has long described Weiner as “a lean, mean dating machine,” who has “a bevy of babes surrounding him,” wherever he goes. In other words, this guy has been cleaning up in the romantic department. Arnold Schwarzenegger didn’t seem to have any trouble getting dates either. Neither did alleged serial rapist Dominique Strauss-Kahn of the IMF. Chicks dig these creeps!
So, then, ladies — what do you expect? All we guys want is for you to love us. If this is the sort of guy you follow after in droves, this is the sort of guy we’re encouraged to be. And I have to admit: I don’t get it. I look at Weiner and I see a rude, arrogant, entitled and clearly dishonest little piece of Democrat thoroughly convinced of his wholly non-existent superiority. Physically, he’s a dead ringer for a turtle that’s been pulled out of its shell. And as for his manners… did I mention he takes pictures of his absurdly eponymous package and sends them to women on Twitter!
And that’s the sort of stuff that wins you over, ladies? Well, if it is, expect to see a lot more of it. It’s Darwin 101: men evolve to attract the opposite sex. By natural law, women get what they want from men… it hardly seems fair for them to complain about it when it turns up in their inbox.
So women, here’s some free advice. Stop dating creeps. It only encourages them.
Now, I don’t think that Klavan’s criticism applies to ALL WOMEN, only to women who have not though carefully about the requirements of marriage for men and women, and how to test men to see if they have what it takes to handle their responsibilities. It’s THOSE women who end up with men who cheat.
So how should women test men for marriage?
Here are some questions that the five women who chose these disgusting creeps for husbands SHOULD have asked:
- What is the public purpose of marriage?
- What are the expected public outcomes of a good marriage?
- Does chastity before marriage provide any indication about a person’s ability to stay faithful in a marriage?
- What should men and women bring to a relationship so that they are able to perform expected marital behaviors?
- Is marriage more about self-indulgence or about self-sacrifice? Can you get used to self-sacrifice by being self-indulgent?
- If a person is pro-abortion, what do they believe about taking responsibility to avoid harming others with their poor decisions?
- If a person is pro-same-sex marriage, what do they believe about the needs of children compared to the needs of adults?
- If a person believes in wealth redistribution, do they have a correct understanding of working, saving and investing?
- Does a person’s superior appearance, wealth, or power determine whether they will be faithful in a marriage?
- Can you cause your spouse to be faithful by spending a lot of money on a wedding?
- Can you cause your spouse to be faithful by inviting famous people to your wedding?
- Is it a good idea to choose someone to marry who your parents and elders disapprove of?
- Is it a good idea to choose whether to have sex with someone using “the 180-second rule”?
- Is it a good idea to choose someone to marry in order to impress your friends (or to make them jealous)?
- Is it a good idea to marry someone because most of your friends are getting married?
- Is it a good idea to avoid studying the effects of divorce on children prior to marrying?
- Can you expect a spouse to adhere to objective moral obligations without a knowledge of God’s existence, grounded on evidence?
- Can you expect a spouse to adhere to objective moral obligations without a knowledge of God’s character, grounded on evidence?
- Does holding a Bible for a photo-op make someone into a William Lane Craig or a Wayne Grudem?
- Does singing praise hymns in church make someone into a William Lane Craig or a Wayne Grudem?
Those last items are to show that you really cannot have a moral standard that is binding unless there is some way that the universe ought to be, because it was designed to be a certain way by a Designer. If a person is convinced that there is a Designer who made people, it rationally grounds the idea that there is a way that humans ought to act – independently of how we may feel individually, or even in different cultures in different places and times. The more a man knows whether God exists and knows what God is like as a person – based on evidence – the more seriously that man will try to incorporate God’s personality into his decision making. A serious study of the evidence for God’s existence and character helps people to take moral obligations to others more seriously – especially when they don’t FEEL LIKE IT. That is why marriages where both spouses attend church regularly last. Women need to be asking men these worldview and morality questions, and insisting on seeing the behaviors that raise the probability of having a stable marriage to a faithful man.
Basically, instead of relying on feelings and peer approval to choose a man, women need to ask men questions to find out whether they are trustworthy and equal to the tasks that men perform as husbands and fathers. I don’t think that women who were cheated on really asked questions about their chosen spouse’s worldview, and how the man’s worldview grounded moral obligations, such as the obligation NOT to cheat. It seems that today, a well-grounded worldview that grounds moral obligations is regarded by some women as being superfluous to marital stability. I guess they think that fidelity is basically random – that Elliot Spitzer is as likely to be a faithful spouse as James Dobson. They just don’t ask men to explain what they believe and why, and why any particular man can be trusted to make moral decisions. And they shouldn’t be satisfied with words – they should demand to see evidence that the man has studied these issues, written about them, debated with others about them, and acted on these convictions personally.
I think that women today are also giving up their responsibility to read about marriage and parenting, to read about risks and challenges that threaten stable marriages, like no-fault divorce laws and cohabitation, and to read about how important it is to stay married because of how divorce affects children. Women should not abdicate the responsibility to judge men, they should not say that “men are unpredictable”, and they should not set themselves up as helpless victims. They need to keep men at arm’s length, keep their wits about them and do the work of evaluating men for the roles that men play in marriage and family.
Character and knowledge count. Just because a man can put on a show for you, it doesn’t mean that he is capable of producing the results of a thoughtful Christian worldview.
What does Dr. Laura say about marriage?
“Commitment to marriage and child rearing was once viewed as the pinnacle of adulthood identity, so that women looked carefully for the “right” man for the job, and parents were consulted for opinions and blessings.”
Source: Dr. Laura Schlessinger, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, page 53.
You can read more about the Anthony Weiner scandal here. Bill Clinton officiated at Anthony Weiner’s wedding. Huma Abedin was the personal assistant of radical feminist Hillary Clinton. Ironic, isn’t it?
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