First, I want every one to take a look at this verse on providing for a family in context: (1 Tim 5:3-8)
3 Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need.
4 But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God.
5 The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help.
6 But the widow who lives for pleasure is dead even while she lives.
7 Give the people these instructions, so that no one may be open to blame.
8 Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
And these verses on charity in evangelism: (Phil 4:10-19)
10 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it.
11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.
12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
14 Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles.
15 Moreover, as you Philippians know, in the early days of your acquaintance with the gospel, when I set out from Macedonia, not one church shared with me in the matter of giving and receiving, except you only;
16 for even when I was in Thessalonica, you sent me aid more than once when I was in need.
17 Not that I desire your gifts; what I desire is that more be credited to your account.
18 I have received full payment and have more than enough. I am amply supplied, now that I have received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent. They are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God.
19 And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.
Now I want to talk about a very disturbing trend that I see in the church. I see a lot of women who are not prepared to choose men who are going to fill this provider role. Men have a role, straight from the Bible, to provide for their wife and children, and to donate to support evangelistic efforts. And providing is not predicated on how a man makes a woman feel. Providing is based on the things such as:
- working for money before you are legally able to work for money
- working summer jobs during high school and college
- working during college or doing college degrees while working full-time
- doing consulting work or running your own business from home in the evenings
- studying science, technology, engineering and math (no exceptions!)
- not drinking alcohol or smoking cigarettes – no addictions of any kind
- not spending money on hair, tattoos, clothes, shoes or flashy junk
- own your own car, and keep it well-maintained
- own your own pet, and keep it healthy and well-trained
- pay your rent or mortgage payments on time
- carry no debt, borrow no money
- avoid depending on government welfare or student loans
- not taking sick days, not getting sick at all
- purchasing resources for others, especially things like apologetics books, to build them up
- giving charity to solid Christian speakers and funding apologetics events (William Lane Craig debates)
- making investments in stocks or real estate
- maxing out 401K contributions and Roth IRAs
- taking women out on dates, driving them in the man’s own car, and paying for everything
- spending money to help the pro-life and pro-marriage causes (Morse, Klusendorf)
And I think you have to give bonus marks for getting up early, although I can’t do that. I know someone who does, though – the hardest working software engineer I know.
Women should not prefer young men who are studying political science, psychology, English, education, grievance studies, and other non-quantitative subjects which do not equip a man to provide enough salary and savings to run a Christian life plan (homeschooling or private Christian schools or both). What ends up happening is that there is a lot of fighting over money, especially with women who don’t have savings of their own before marrying. Without money, the children will likely get pushed into public school and they influenced by secularism and leftism.
What to do? Pick a man with a proven record of taking his responsibilities to study and earn seriously.
Here are some of the top earning careers:
|Best Undergrad College Degrees By Salary – Full List|
|STARTING MEDIAN PAY||MID-CAREER MEDIAN PAY|
|Electrical Engineering (EE)||$61,300||$103,000|
|Materials Science & Engineering||$60,400||$103,000|
|Computer Engineering (CE)||$61,800||$101,000|
|Computer Science (CS)||$56,600||$97,900|
|Biomedical Engineering (BME)||$53,800||$97,800|
|Mechanical Engineering (ME)||$58,400||$94,500|
|Industrial Engineering (IE)||$57,400||$93,100|
|Civil Engineering (CE)||$53,100||$90,200|
|Management Information Systems (MIS)||$51,000||$88,200|
I think that marrying someone who is not in one of these careers makes no sense at all, especially in light of a global recession.
And just to be clear, this is an area I struggle in myself. I am great at working for money, and saving it and investing it. But I say a lot of controversial things and a lawsuit would not be good for my fortune. I should be spending more time on evenings and weekends keeping my skills up, and that’s what I’m going to be doing on my vacation. But I think the standard stands regardless of my own abilities to meet it. It is the standard.
Money is an important part of the Christian life. The Bible says that if a man does not work, neither shall he eat. We have a tradition on what men are supposed to do in Christianity. Men are supposed to take care of business, and women are supposed to prefer men with proven records of taking care of business. Being handsome and fun is nowhere in the Bible as a qualification for men to be good husbands and fathers. But earning money and providing for others in the community is a non-negotiable requirement. It’s as required as the obligation to not marry a non-Christian man.
Women who are serious about Christianity will prefer men who meet the specifications laid out in the Bible. And this has to have been demonstrated over the course of years – a pattern of studying hard things, working multiple jobs, spending little, saving much and supporting family and evangelism. To me, a woman who prefers a man who has no record of providing is a woman who has been influenced by feminism. She rejects the traditional roles of men and insists on a man who is has no authority to lead because he does not have the provider role. That’s what’s really going on here. Men who earn have authority to lead and hold a woman accountable when she misbehaves, and some women hate being led and being held accountable. (By being held accountable I mean disagreeing with the woman, canceling optional goodies, etc.)
I think we have a major problem in this society, and in the church, where we think that women are above criticism. We think that anything they feel like doing is a good idea. We think that their complete lack of rational thought and lack of planning in relationships is somehow “romantic”. We think that women who embrace spontaneity and ignorance of statistical data are “free spirits”. Is it any wonder that the out-of-wedlock birth rate is 42%, the divorce rate for first time marriages is 45%, and women are shacking up with unqualified men instead of getting married?
This is all – all – caused by the fact that women have no idea what men are for, and they deliberately prefer non-judgmental, non-theologically-exclusive, non-rational, tolerant, intuitive, wusses instead of men who give them hard books to read and who hold them accountable when they misbehave. Women today think it is a bad thing when a man holds her accountable when she disrespects him in public, but think it is a good thing to date a man who asks his parents to borrow the car keys before taking her out. Huh? I had a current year car with only 7500 miles on it at age 17 – because I was working two jobs in high school, and part-time IT/desktop publishing in my own business on the side.
Women who are interested in testing a man’s abilities can use my checklist for finding authentic Christian women. Those questions work on men too.
- Courting rules: how to respect a Christian man in the style of Ephesians 5
- Courting rules: what should a Christian woman be looking for in a man?
- Courting rules: how to tell if a woman is a committed Christian
- Courting rules: how men use self-control to make relationships count for God
- Are churches preparing women to choose real men for husbands?
- What is the meaning and purpose of white roses?
- Does being a virgin before marriage affect marital stability?
- How to communicate requirements to a Christian woman during courtship
- How Christian women can make Christian men marry without using sex appeal
- The rules for friendship and courtship between Christians
- What Christian men want from Christian women… in paintings!
- Should Christians marry non-Christians?